break on through to the other side

So I had a breakthrough last night. I realized that I am saved not just in my sin, but from my sin. I am free of it. And one of the requirements of being free of something is not doing it anymore. And more than just forgiving sins, the Lord wants to help us free our lives from sin and live completely for Him. What I realized is not that I'm a dirty sinner. I've known that for years and years. What I realized is that I'm a dirty sinner by my own choice. I've been praying for release from these powers that hold me in bondage for a long long time. I realized about a month and a half ago that one of my major issues that I've been praying for freedom from and striving to free myself from it was not going away because I honestly deep down still wanted it there. I realized last night that I honestly deep down still want all of the sin that I'm involved in to stay right where it is. It's not a question of striving. It's a question of releasing. The Bible says that through Christ Jesus' sacrifice on the cross we can be made free from sin and be acceptable to God. He loved us even in our sin. And that is where I still am. Not because I don't believe I am forgiven, but because I won't give it to Him to get rid of. I've tried. I can't do it. There's no earthly way to be free from sin. But I'm still holding on. So my prayer today is that God would help me to just let go. To let go of everything. My life (easy), my wife (fairly easy), my finances (not so easy), my daugther (really really difficult), my music (fairly difficult), my sin (working on it), my time (this is one of the tougher ones), my apartment (I'm pretty anal about things, and yet still so irresponsible - hypocrisy you say? I know...bummer). I am not free of sin until I let go. I'm not even sure if in God's eyes I am washed clean until I step up to the cross and allow the cleansing blood to flow over me and just surrender.