Monday, October 24, 2011

Dusty Acres


The tundra desert
Wild and damned
Dusty acres of promising hurt
A cemetery peace
That kills the unfortified pride of convenience

The hills, near and noble,
Show none of the telltale signs of life -
The green pines polyestered by controlled burns -
Only the detritus of ground squirrels and jacks
And, sometimes, their gutted remains
Tumbleweeds and stark black ravens
Coyotes and saguaros

The twisted Joshua tree
With its rough hewn trunk of thorny sinews
Gnarled boughs like bearded necks and prickly death heads above
Flies and ants and yucca moths
And dozens of miles of flat arid sand

Old dead tires surround the fence posts in piles
And the wood cross stands where something
God knows what
Is buried

But the people are the kind who would tell you
If they knew

Life springs forth from the homestead
Working people, tired people
And children who know nothing of work
To pitch iron shoes at galvanized posts
To run dogs in endless circles
To mine the sand for common antiquities
Treasures of buried rubbish from long ago
To criticize God’s paintbrush
The separation of colors, the orange, red, vermillion
A tapestry of sunset on a one hundred mile afternoon
To live the solitary promise that deadness brings

The two smoking barrels of urbanity
And suburbanity
Have discharged those misshapen
And grizzly-haired, those of redder hue
Sojourners and naturalists
Hippies and nudists
Drunkards and libertarians
Those filled with wanderlust and a desire to live
Within their means
To this northern barren
This land of freedom

The rivers run north here
Not south
Resurrection in the vastness of the sky
And green grass grows up amidst the golden foxtails
The dusty roads lead farther into renaissance
Than most will dare to go

Friday, October 14, 2011

These days

As I sit here and wrestle with all of the things going through my head right now (housework, homework, kids, family Bible time, bills I'm not sure how we're going to pay, background investigation, work, housewarming party tomorrow) I realize that my trash can is starting to overflow. Crumpled up papers, shrink wrap and plastic ties, and a lot of fast food detritus. Stress makes you eat crappy. Period. The more you have to do, or the more you think you have to do, the less time you spend actually doing the things you have to do, and the more time you spend  thinking about all the things you have to do. See how that works?

I have no system. No plan. No calendar for how all this goes together. No routine. I have individual plans for different things. Little routines for work, for bills, etc. I have no overarching organizational theme in my life that holds it all together. Nothing telling me that I can do multiple things in one day, and this is how. I get to work and wonder: what is the most important thing I can do right now? Supply requests? Order? Cycle count? Deliveries? Cleaning for God's sake? (No, definitely not cleaning.) If I don't come up with an answer fast enough, I end up doing homework, or checking my email. Not to say that I shirk my work. I don't. I get it done, and I get it done fast. But my default is indecision, and indecision leads to wasted time. So today I am deciding to decide. What things are important to me? What things are more important than others? Write them down in a list, in order of importance, and then live my life in that order.

Just like in the movie Mission of the Shark (the one about the men of the USS Indianapolis who were in the water for five days before they were rescued after their ship was sunk, if you haven't seen it), the men are too spread out in the water right now. They need to be closer together. There needs to be some ORDER here. Because what happens when men are too spread out? They get eaten by sharks. And that's a fact. I've seen it. And there are all kinds of sharks out there. Loan sharks, creditors, divorce lawyers, bankruptcy lawyers, IRS auditors, etc. Too many to count. Some are great whites and some are sand tigers, but they all have bloody teeth. Today order will be brought in this court. Justice will be done. And my old ways will probably be casualties of war. Oh well. At least they'll die quickly, and won't get eaten by sharks.