Spiritual Laziness

I have become convinced as of late that it would be a good idea to pursue a career in the California Highway Patrol. I have many reasons for thinking this would be a good idea, and (believe it or not) I have fantasized about being a cop since I was about 4. I'm running into a dilemma, however. Beyond the fact that the CHP is not hiring right now (they're frozen till Shwartz gets his budget figured out), I keep coming back to the debate about whether or not God has specific callings for our lives. Because if He does, I became convinced a year or so ago that I am supposed to be a missionary. If He does not, then I can be a missionary (in some sense) while on patrol.

About a year ago (maybe more, now) I decided that the only way I could ever really be happy with my job is if I was working for a company whose sole mission is to help others, and in which I would have the opportunity to be a positive influence in people's lives. The second part I realize can be done at almost any job. The first part I decided would most likely need to be a non-profit organization because they are about the only ones who care about helping people who are not themselves.

When I was invited to go on a ride-along with a friend who is a CHP officer, my future-goals world turned itself upside down. I suddenly realized that for profit and not for profit are not the only kinds of organizations out there. There are also public service organizations, state funded gigs whose sole mission is to serve the community. They also tend to pay extremely well and have amazing benefits. My friend's fondest experiences in the CHP so far have been helping a helpless mother of four change her tire on a freeway overpass and taking a distrought would-be runaway 14 year old boy to lunch and talking him into to going home and working it out with his parents. This guy is not a Christian. This is an organization that promotes such things with no religious benefit at all. It's amazing. I have started thinking about all of my past fantasies about being a cop, and how I have always been pretty obsessed with comic book heroes (Batman and Dick Tracy, specifically), vigilantes who have the balls to take on evil by themselves. CHP officers work alone and are first responders to many kinds of incidents. I even wrote a report about what I wanted to be when I grew up (when I was 6) and I wrote something to the effect of:

"When I grow up I want to be a police officer, because I think it would be cool to carry a gun and drive really fast cars."

I have started to think that my life is pointing in this direction. But a year ago I started to think that my life was pointing toward being a missionary, striving to bring churches together, spreading the gospel to a lost world.

So now I am confused. The debate is raging in my head. Does God have a specific plan for our lives, all laid out nice and pretty with a bow, including the career we are to take, the person we are to marry, the people we meet and help, etc.? Or does He have a general plan for our lives, namely following the commands and examples laid out for us by Jesus and some of the other men and women in the Bible? I sat on the idea of going into full time ministry for over a year and never did a thing about it, but the same week I went the ride-along, I had already started running six days a week and preparing myself for the Academy. Am I choosing the easy way out? Some would say yes (myself generally included). I feel sometimes like I'm jumping on the boat to Tarshish instead of the one to Nineveh. No, the CHP is not easy. The Academy is hell camp for seven months away from your family and everything you know. It is one of the most rigorous and challenging boot camps in the world, the most challenging for law enforcement. Why was I so not determined to make effort in the direction of mission work when I jumped on the CHP bandwagon so fast? Why am I so motivated to work harder than I ever dreamed I would have to for a job when I can't be bothered to work much at all for God Himself? He's a good employer, right? I would say He's got the best benefits. Is this just spiritual laziness?

My wife makes good points all the time (just so you all know). Her input on this is that this job has already motivated me like crazy to do things I've always been too lazy to do. She can see me really enjoying this job. It meets (at least most of the way) both of my career-happiness criteria. It's up to me to be the Christian, evangelist, missionary I want to be no matter where I work or who I encounter, and with all the extra income it will bring in we can afford to support missionaries all over the world, and then use the awesome retirement benefits to go out and do it ourselves when we're older. She suggested that the best way to know if I have the balls to be a missionary at work is to try it where I work now. It's funny that I am more motivated to take a bullet than to talk openly about Jesus with the people I work with. I make excuses that I talk openly about my beliefs when they come up and I try to be a good example to my co-workers (keyword - "try"). But in deed I am more afraid of starting such conversations than I am of pulling over coked out big rig drivers and tazing them if they are uncooperative.

I know that God's foreknowledge covers everything I will do in my life. I know that He will even prompt me from time to time in a direction that more fully expresses what I am capable of doing for Him. I have experienced it. But I'm in a conundrum. And I feel just as lost about now as I did when I started writing. Oi vey. I rue the day I actually have to make this decision. Imminent rue-age.

Another week of soreness

Well I've been running every day this past week (hoping to start a trend) and then yesterday I went on a 7.2 mile hike straight up Mt. Baldy (climbed 2800 feet in 3.6 miles, which averages out to about 1 foot up for every 8 feet forward, although the ratio goes way down towards the end to more like 1 up for every 2 forward). It was pretty intense. I'm hoping to apply and qualify for the CHP boot camp as soon as possible, so this stuff shouldn't set me back like it does. I have a lot of work to do.

Anyway, I took my 14 year old "nephew" with me (he's my wife's half-sister's son). He's a cool kid. His name is Noah. He's from the Florida Keys and his one desire while he's here in CA is to kill a rattlesnake and eat it. It's a bummer we didn't run into any yesterday (sort of a bummer, at least). Anyway, we had a pretty rad hike, ate some beefstick (summer sausage), drank some fresh mountain spring water (actually out of a mountain spring, not out of the exhaust pipe of a power plant like Crystal Geyser), sat on top of the mountain for a little while. It was fun. We were both incredibly sore afterwards.

Anyway. I'm starting a fairly strenuous training program to get myself ready for the CHP which includes running six days a week, doing all sorts of jumping jacks, pushups and situps, and eventually some pull ups, it will probably involve some weight lifting down the road but one thing at a time. It will also involve learning Spanish (better than five years of schooling could teach me). All of this will be really hard for me since I'm skinny but out of shape and haven't been in school for like three years. I don't remember how to be consistent. Actually I never knew.

So them's the ropes. I guess I should work now. Good day, eh.