Bapto

Well, last night in my school of ministry class they did a baptism of the Holy Spirit altar call. I went forward, not knowing at all what to expect. I was raised in a church of Bible thumping Pharisees and really don't know much about how the Spirit works at all. They anointed me with beautifully scented oil and laid their hands on me and just prayed that the Holy Spirit would fill me and give me boldness. One guy was praying in tongues, another guy in Spanish. I felt kind of filled up I guess. The guy praying in tongues told me that although I didn't feel anything he could physically see that the Spirit was upon me. I was, though, pretty disappointed that someone who was asking as sincerely as I thought I was could be left out to dry. I looked at the cross on the wall and thought to myself, "it's failed experiments like this that cause people to lose faith and give up."

After I had helped stack up chairs and put some tables away, a guy came up to me. I think he was the one praying over me in Spanish, but I'm not positive. His name just happened to be Angel. He told me that he wanted me to know that he had asked and asked and asked for the Holy Spirit to fill him and had always been disappointed. Then he finally learned what it meant to be filled with the Holy Spirit. That it wasn't a feeling. It was an experience. And he realized that he had been filled all of those times he had asked, but he had not recognized it. And now that he recognizes it, he knows that God never let him down, not once. I thanked him and left.

When I was driving home, the smell of the oil filled the car (although I smelled my hands where he had put the oil and they didn't smell like it anymore). I felt absolutely alive. It was such a rush. I lost myself in the smell and in the words "Thank you Spirit". It was what I would imagine being high is like. For about five minutes. It was beautiful. And I thought to myself that if this is what heaven is like for eternity with God, I will most definitely not be bored. It was a fabulous experience. And then, like Moses' shining face, it faded. It faded, but it still hasn't left completely. I do think I have a bit of boldness that was not there before. More love and courage to reach out to those around me. The power of the Spirit is the power for ministry, and maybe the reason I've been dry for so long is because I've been running from ministry.

I've been running for too long. Last night, God literally sent an Angel to tell me to stop.

Leap of Faith

Well we found out the day before yesterday that in two months our Kaiser health insurance will be rising by another $80/month. It rose $79/month a year ago. We cannot afford it any longer. So we are thinking seriously about taking the leap of faith into the cost share world, with Christian Healthcare Ministries. It would lower our "premiums" a bit from what they are now but the best part is they would not be going up. Pretty much ever, from the sound of it. And all money going into the system (well about 85% of it anyway) goes straight back out to cover the medical expenses of other Christians around the U.S. We don't have to feel like we are feeding our dollars into a greedy black hole. Health insurance is an extremely big drain on us and we cannot afford this hike. If anyone has any experience with CHM please comment. I'd love to get some more info and personal testimonies. Thanks.

Overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed. Every once in a while the realization hits me like a semi truck that I am responsible for the physical, spiritual and emotional health, maturity and growth of my family. I am supposed to lead them like Christ would. I am supposed to be so in tune with the things of God all the time that I can judge cases immediately and wisely like the judges of Israel did. Sometimes I feel like Moses. These cases are too hard for me. I turn to God. God doesn't talk to me like He did to Moses, face to face. So what am I to do? I feel totally inadequate to assume this role. I can see why Paul said to "pray without ceasing". It's almost like you have to in order to get anywhere in this crazy Christian life. That's something that I need to learn how to do. I've never been good at juggling plates. There are broken shards all around my feet. I wish there were 38 extra hours in each day so I could actually do the things I think that I should do. But I waste enough time as it is, and if there were, I would undoubtedly just waste more. Father, give me the wisdom to lead my family and the peace that comes with the knowledge that You are ultimately in control, and that I can only do what I can do. I pray that Your grace would be sufficient for all of the rest. Amen.

It's official

We cancelled our escrow on the house in Mentone. It has been 10 months of frustration, waiting 2 - 4 weeks at a time for one signature, etc. The incompetence out there is incredible. We're looking around for a ranch house kind of deal in the high desert now. Finding them for good prices. Quite the commute, but I've always loved to drive. 

I'm obsessed with this song this week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUFL8WSxTgY